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Day 12 Want... and Need

Story time:

I let someone merge into my lane ahead of me today on my way to work, and when they crossed that white dotted line, I was really hoping they would wave to say thank you or something to that effect.   And when I say hoping, I don't mean I was sitting there thinking "please wave, please wave, please wave!" More, deep in my soul, I wanted to feel appreciated.

I had done the kind thing here. There was heavy traffic, it was the right thing to do in the moment since they needed to get over to the exit... I did good.  So why did I need gratitude? The truth is I did the right thing. But as a human, I wanted more. I wanted to be seen and appreciated.  My pride longed for a little boost.

I don't know if you're familiar with the Enneagram, but I am a two.  A two is a helper-- they are empathetic and see people's needs.  In turn, they try to provide these needs so that they are, you guessed it, needed themselves.  Obviously, this is not an excuse for my humanness (my pride), but simply a tool that helps me understand it. 

I want to feel needed, but the truth is, I am not needed at all.  I also don't need other people's appreciation, I just want it.  I want people to be able to trust me and so I can care for them.  And then, maybe they'll care for me too. 

But then there's God.  Who needs no one.  He himself is a community (Father, Son, and Spirit), so he's never lonely.  Yet, he made me and he made you... because he wanted to.  He looked down the road and saw your face and ran to you because he wanted you to be a part of his marvelous creation.  So on days when I just want to be seen, I am.  And when I just want someone to need me, well, I'm wanted by the Creator of all.  Even on days when I would rather curl up in a ball and never be seen again, I am fully known and still fully loved.  Because that's who Truth is. 

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