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Why Am I Taking a Break?


This past Sunday at some bizarre hour of 1: something in the morning, I posted a status on Facebook saying goodbye to social media.  I know what you're thinking, but this will not be a rant about why I hate social media. I also know that I don't have to offer any explanation to justify why I left it all behind, but I feel that I should.  So here we go...

Recently, I have simply been feeling quite discouraged.  Transitions are always difficult, but the transition into college has been especially hard for me.  I almost feel like an awkward middle schooler again.  A small girl who struggles to find her place in the world.  Everyone else seems to make friends so easily, and now I can look practically anywhere and see groups of people acting like they had known each other for their entire lives.  I have felt confused and alone. Some people may say I'm experiencing some kind of existential crisis, but I view it as trying to figure out how I fit into God's plan.  Again.  (And I know that I am not the only one who has wrestled with this).

With that, however, social media has become a very dark place for me.  It can send me into storms filled with waves of tears and winds of voices that tell me I am not enough.  I see everyone else's happy lives and wonder, "What I am doing wrong? What's wrong with me?"  And I sink deeper and deeper with every post and picture I see of all the smiling people.

No, I don't hate other people nor do I hate other people's happiness. And I don't hate social media. I think it can be a marvelous place to connect with people who are far away, or old friends who you hardly get to see anymore.  I love Instagram especially, and the ability to take photos and hold onto memories of places and people you love.  Even twitter can be entertaining when your friend posts a witty comment that makes you chuckle. 

But (and here is my small rant... I'm sorry... but not really), how often do we feel the need to appear OK? How often do we want to post something because we want to see if people will like it or not? How often do we allow likes, or follows, or friends define how we feel about ourselves? Maybe you don't struggle with these things, and social media is a wonderful place for you to just be the real you-- if that's so, I am happy for you (and can you teach me how you do it, please?).  But that is simply not the case for me. 

Social media has become a burden on me, and I have felt God calling me to give it over to Him.  So on Sunday morning, in the midst of one of those storms, God calmed the raging sea. 

And now I am here. 

I have to say, it is very freeing.  Sometimes it's difficult when I am bored because I just want to mindlessly scroll through a newsfeed like I usually would.  But now I have more time to read, and write, and draw (after studying, of course (; ).

I honestly don't know how long I'll stay away.  But I am okay with that.  I want to rest in this new freedom for now, and see where God leads. 

So as my last facebook post says, if you need me I will still answer my calls and respond to texts, or maybe we can even talk in person! But really, if anyone needs me, I am still here.  And I am happy to answer any questions, or talk with you about why I made this choice.

Thanks friends.





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